


Touch Before Sight, Before Speech

by Ims0s0rry



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Curse, Blind Character, Disability, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10068821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ims0s0rry/pseuds/Ims0s0rry
Summary: Emma Swan is mute. She's minding her own business when Henry, Regina's guide dog-in-training, eats her lunch. Regina's adjusting after recently losing her sight in a car crash.And then they gradually fall in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I owe so much to my beta's, falpangaea and AgathasAjax, for ironing out all the awkward in this fic. Thank you so much for taking a chance on a (relatively) new swen writer!
> 
> I've done some research but I'm sure I've gotten some things wrong. Please feel free to shoot me a comment if anything is off or downright offensive.

Emma likes to eat lunch in the park across from her office during the warmer Boston months. She's a bit of a loner outside of her small group of friends and would rather feel the breeze on her face than endure half an hour of awkward silence with her associates in the break room or get crumbs all over her desk. She's just taken a bite of her gyro when a large rottweiler skids to a stop in front of her bench. He bows, wagging his tail furiously, before laying his head on her thigh and gazing up at her with the saddest eyes she's ever seen.

She tentatively extends her hand, letting him sniff and lick her knuckles. She's about to check his tags when a woman crests the hill calling for a Henry. It's an odd name for a dog but, yes, his tags proclaim that his name is Henry and he belongs to a Regina Mills. She isn't really paying attention to her lunch as she stands up to wave Regina, presumably, over and he gently tugs the entire pita, lamb and onions and all, from her hand and swallows it whole. Emma scowls down at him.

His objective complete, he barks and the woman weaves her way toward them. There's something odd about the way she moves, overly cautious and lurching. Emma doesn't place it until the woman starts patting the air around thigh height before grasping Henry's collar. She can't see.

"Bad boy, Henry."

He barks happily and wriggles in her hold, pushing her into Emma and tangling up in their legs.

"Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you were there. You must've gotten a hold of Henry. Thank you...?"

Emma falls back onto the bench, Regina half on her lap although she quickly scrambles off to sit beside her. She can tell Regina's getting increasingly agitated with the prolonged silence as she whips out her phone and types in a sentence.

"No problem. I'm Emma Swan," her phone chirps.

Regina startles. Emma quickly types out a few more sentences. "I'm sorry about the lapse in conversation. I was eating lunch alone and didn't think I'd need my phone out."

"You lost your voice?"

"I never had it to begin with. I was born mute."

Regina fidgets, her expression apologetic. "Sorry for prying."

"No, it's okay. I prefer when people ask instead of dancing around it." There's a lull. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Regina?"

"Yes."

"I saw Henry's tags and I thought that must be you. But I have to get back to work since Henry cut my lunch short."

Regina sighs. "He ate it, didn't he?"

Emma cocks her head. "Does he do that often?"

"I've been trying to train him out of it, but he was so excited to go to the park today he got away from me. I'm very sorry." She stands up. "How much time do you have left before you have to go back? Come on, I'll treat you to lunch. Any allergies? Special considerations I should take into account?"

"Oh no, that's really okay. I wasn't very hungry anyway." Her stomach growls.

Regina smirks. "Henry's my responsibility and I owe you a thank you for wrangling him anyway. Don't make me ask again, Ms. Swan."

"Okay." Even her phone sounds resigned.

They end up walking to a Lebanese restaurant across the street which Emma's never been to before but Regina says is decent. She does seem somewhat on edge though. Henry noses the handicap door button and trots in like he owns the place. The waitstaff greet Regina warmly, although all their expressions are tinged with something that looks suspiciously like pity. She must sense it too because she stiffens, answering their inquiries with sharp one-word replies.

"If you like lamb, I recommend the _barout del batata_. It's spicy lamb with potatoes," Regina says. Her menu lays untouched in front of her.

"I have a pretty low tolerance for spice but if you recommend it, I'll give it a try."

When their food comes, a waiter offers to sit with them and basically feed Regina.

"I assure you, Graham, that won't be necessary. Just because I've lost my sight doesn't make me completely helpless." Her voice is so icy Emma wouldn't be surprised if he'd gotten frostbite. He ducks back into the kitchens, his ears burning.

"So your sightlessness is a recent development?" Emma holds her breath as her phone dutifully recites the words.

Regina hesitates and Emma braces herself to be on the receiving end of that frigid glare. But instead she sighs and says, "I was in a car accident a few months ago, t-boned. When I woke up in the hospital, the surgeons had done everything they could but I couldn't see anymore." Her tone is very flat, like she's reading aloud rather than speaking freely. Emma wonders how many times she's been asked about her accident. "It's funny, actually. I was a nationally-ranked equestrian, a show jumper. I always thought I'd fall off a horse or get kicked in the head, but it was a car accident that ended my career. My mother would love to rub this in my face, if I ever talked to her."

Emma isn't sure what to say, so she does what she does best: defaults to self-deprecating humor. "Are we having a pity party? Because I invented the pity party."

She raises an eyebrow. "Do your worst."

"So first of all, my parents died in a fire when I was a baby. The kids at the orphanage called me Swan because I couldn't speak and it stuck. When I was 16, a distant uncle and his wife adopted me. There was a lot of running away and general teenage angst. But they insisted that they would 'always find me'. It took me a long time to realize they weren't gonna dump me like all my other families."

Regina sits back and throws her napkin down. "You win."

"Really?"

"I mean, I have my own issues with my family, but being a mute orphan? I can't compete with that."

Henry nudges Emma's thigh and whines.

"Don't encourage him. He'll never leave you alone if he knows he can weasel food out of you," Regina warns her.

Emma rubs his neck in consolation. "How old is he?"

"Four. He's very intelligent and training him usually isn't a problem, except when he decides to run off and eat other people's food." Henry lays down and covers his eyes with his paws.

“He’s your guide dog?”

Regina scowls. “He doesn’t have the patience or the right temperament really, but we’re working on it. I don’t need a cane.” She says it with such conviction that Emma doesn’t question her.

The rest of the meal is filled with comfortable small talk. Emma tells her that she finally turned herself around and went to school for architecture and is now working at a firm downtown. She learns that even professional athletes like Regina don't make a lot of money unless they're sponsored, so she was also working as an accountant. She’s currently on leave until she can learn to use a Braille display. The lamb is excellent if spicier than she's used to, but Emma's proud that she only needs two glasses of milk to endure it.

Regina insists on paying even though Emma wants to split the bill. Her mouth is pursed while the cashier guides her through the totals and where to sign, but she doesn't bite anyone's head off this time.

"If you're having a hard time and need someone to talk to, I'm always here," Emma says before she sends her a text so she has her number. "I know I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I think sometimes it helps to know there's someone who has an inkling of what you're facing."

Regina smiles, but it's one of those overly polite ones reserved for strangers. And Emma supposes they still are strangers. Having lunch together once because her dog ate her gyro doesn't make them friends.

So imagine her surprise when Henry bounds up to her the next week and manages to sneak a bite of her Mexican _torta_ before she can properly fend him off. She sighs and gives him the rest of the sandwich.

"It seems Henry's taken a liking to you, Ms. Swan," Regina says, looping Henry's leash around her wrist again. "It probably helps that you keep giving him your lunch."

"He'd already taken a chunk out of it. I wasn't going to eat the rest of it." Her phone doesn't sound half as annoyed as she means to be.

"Come on, let's go. I know a good Ethiopian place around the corner."

Regina ends up paying again, although Emma did try to sneak her credit card to the server. "Really, Emma? Taking advantage of a blind woman? Shame on you." But her words don't have any sting.

When they part ways, Regina gives her that civil grimace again. Two lunch dates are hardly better than one.

Third time's the charm though. A few days later, Henry runs off with her spaghetti sandwich. Regina shakes her head. "Might as well make it a routine."

"Awesome. Then we can alternate paying."

After that, they meet a few times a week. It works out for everyone but Henry, who no longer gets any of Emma's lunch.

One night, Emma goes out with her friends to get drinks. Her friend Ruby's a bartender and although they don't get a discount, it's worth the lack of hassle.

[I need me a Tom Collins,] Emma signs. Ashley and Robin climb onto stools beside her.

"Coming right up. Rough day?"

[Everyone I work with is an idiot.]

Robin laughs. "I know that feeling." He and Emma went to college together but he dropped out to start his own company, an outdoor Bear Grylls adventure sort of thing. None of them get the appeal but he's still in business so obviously there's a market for it.

"So nothing out of the ordinary," Ashley quips, nursing her cognac. She’s an elementary school teacher and although she loves hanging out with (and sometimes laughing at) her kids, sometimes she needs to get hammered after work too.

[Actually, I've been getting lunch over the last couple of weeks with this woman.]

"Oooh, how'd you meet?" Ruby's at the other end of the bar but she's got a keen ear — or eye, in this case — for Emma's lovelife.

[Her dog kept eating my lunch.]

"I can't believe you graduated in the top 10% of our class and yet you can't keep a dog from scafing down your sandwiches." Robin shakes his head.

[In my defense, he's very sneaky.]

"The cute ones always are." Ashley nods sagely.

Emma narrows her eyes. [Do you mean the woman or her dog?]

Ruby zips back over to them, sliding shots down the counter with unerring precision. "You think she's cute? What's her name? Do I know her? What's she like? Do you like her? Do you _like_ her?"

[I don't know. I guess so. Regina Mills. Probably not. She doesn't seem like she'd run in your circles. I don't know. She's sarcastic, independent, irritable. Yeah, I like her but I don't know if I _like_ like her.]

"Have you shown her any signs?" Ruby's face is grim, like this is a life-or-death sort of question.

[A few, but just because it’s so much faster than typing sentences out on my phone.]

Robin chuckles. "You totally have a thing for her."

Emma rolls her eyes.

It doesn't help that a few weeks later, Regina texts her to reschedule one of their lunches.

**R: Sorry about the late notice, but I completely forgot about an appointment I set up months ago. Can we meet tonight instead?**

**E: Yeah, no problem. I've heard good things about this Thai place off of Broad and Franklin.**

**R: Thai? Can your gringa taste buds handle that?**

**E: Show up tonight and find out.**

Regina's been picking up ASL rapidly since she hates having the servers read her the menu whenever they go someplace new. It's more discreet if they sit side by side and Emma spells everything out into her hand. She tells her this is a fluke since Braille is taking her forever to learn. She’s not fluent by any means, especially since she can’t see Emma mouthing or her facial expressions, but they modify it so Regina’s hands rest on Emma’s while she signs. It works for them.

As summer fades into autumn, they continue sharing meals, mostly lunch but with enough dinners that their friends start getting suspicious.

"Kathryn, I told you about Kathryn, right? Anyway, she's convinced that we're communicating by sign language as a cover so we can hold hands all the time. She says that lunch is fine but dinner has...romantic implications."

Emma's bouncing her leg and fidgeting, but that's more because her skin is melting from the chili than a reaction to Regina's words. She chugs some milk to take away some of the burn. [Ha. That's nothing. My friends have already started taking bets.]

"Our friends are all losers."

[Amen.]

One evening after dinner, they go out for ice cream. It's still warm enough that it's not insane to stroll through the city with two cones. Henry stares longingly at their hands, but Regina bumps him with a foot. "I know you're looking at the ice cream, Henry. And I know you know that dairy gives you terrible gas."

While they walk, Emma pulls a Braille copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone out of her bag and hands it over. [I figure it would speed up your learning process since you basically know the entire series by heart, you nerd.]

"Says the diehard Slytherin. Where'd you get it?"

[Oh, I was browsing a local bookstore this weekend and found it tucked away in a dusty corner. Couldn't help myself.]

"Liar. I do appreciate you thinking of me though."

Somehow they meander their way back to Regina's neighborhood. There's a bit of a pause as they loiter in front of the apartment complex before she clears her throat and says, "Well, would you like to come in?"

Emma frowns, trying to determine if she's offering out of politeness or actual interest, but before she can decide, Henry drags Regina up the steps and turns, dancing in place and barking expectantly back at her.

Regina laughs. "Looks like he's made your choice for you."

The second they enter her closet of an apartment, he runs off to grab a ragged tug rope and drops it at Emma’s feet. She picks it up and swings it in front of him, unsure if he wants to play or just show off. But Henry grabs hold of the toy and tows her further into the place, even as she digs her heels in. Regina has disappeared into the kitchen, general clanking and banging accompanying her voice as she calls, "I know we just ate but do you want something to drink? Sorry, I don't have a lot to offer you. I think I've got some lemonade or a can of Sprite."

Henry wins the impromptu game of tug-of-war with no contest and hops onto the couch, gnawing on his rope. For the first time, she gets a good look around. Mail is scattered all over the kitchen table, half burying a dusty laptop. There's a heap of wrinkled laundry next to Henry and a trail of various underthings between the couch and the lone bedroom. The stove's jammed with half-empty pots and pans and the sink's piled precariously high with crusty dishes. Emma's not fastidious by any means, but she figured Regina would be taking better care of herself. She knows that she'd gone to intensive rehab to adjust after the accident, but she wonders if that was enough.

"Emma?"

[Oh, no, I'm okay. I don't need anything. Do you?]

Regina frowns. "No? Why?"

[It's just...your apartment is kind of a mess. And I was wondering if you maybe needed some help cleaning the place up?] Well, she tries to say anyway. Regina's yanked her hands away before she could finish.

"No." Her nostrils flare. "I don't need any help. I'm perfectly capable of living on my own, thank you very much. And if the way I live offends you so much, you can get out."

"Regina, that's not what I meant," her phone recites. She figures it would not be a good idea to touch her right now.

"Get. Out."

"I'm sorry."

It's the last time she sees Regina for a while. They're supposed to meet in a few days for lunch, but she doesn't show. Emma texts her but she never responds. She's disappointed and frustrated, but not surprised. She should've known better than to bring up help. Regina associates it too much with pity. As the silence stretches on, Emma gets progressively antsier. She wants to see Regina again, but she isn't answering her texts and showing up at her apartment is not an option. So she keeps her distance, messaging her every so often to let her know she's still here.

 

 

 

 

 

Several months later...

There's a smart rapping at the door. Regina sighs. There's only one person that could be. Her sister Zelena sweeps into the apartment, bringing with her aroma of grease. "Clear off your sad excuse for a coffee table. I brought Chinese."

"You could've told me you were coming ahead of time," Regina says, sweeping the loose papers and other various junk onto the floor. She can sense Zelena curling her lip.

"Yeah and then you would've told me that you were busy. Probably wallowing in your misery. Nah, I needed to come by anyway to see my favorite nephew. Who's my favorite nephew? Who's a good boy? You're a good boy, Henry, yes you are!"

Regina settles onto the couch with her feet folded up under her and grabs a takeout box, splitting a pair of chopsticks.

Zelena takes her silence for agreement. She sits next to her, rubbing Henry’s ears roughly so his tags jangle. "You know it's not good for you to mope."

Regina harrumphs in between bites of lo mein.

"I mean it, you're always so adamant that you're not any less because you can't see but then you hole up and shut everyone out. Very counterproductive. At least call Daddy every once in awhile. He's worried about you."

"I don't want to. He sank a lot of his own money into getting me into the big leagues and now it's all been for nothing."

"Do you think he cares about that? He just wants to know that you're okay."

"I am. I'm doing fine."

"Okay, well you tell him that. How are your finances? You've got enough for rent and utilities and basic living expenses until you can go back to work?"

Regina bristles. "I'm not taking your money, if that's what you mean."

"I wouldn't dream of it. But we all need aid in one form or another."

She snorts. "Even you? The obstetrician with the Fortune 500 chairman fiancé? Please."

"You'd be surprised. Do you think medical school or residency was easy? I would've been completely lost if I hadn't begged for help from everyone I came across. No, I didn't get to where I am now on my own. And you don't need to do it all by yourself either."

Regina sighs. "So what's new with you? Steal any babies recently?"

"Ha. I just deliver them. Anything else to do with the squalling goblins has nothing to do with me. Oh, but you'll never guess what happened to this one woman..." She launches into a story that could've come straight out of Grey's Anatomy. When she finishes, Regina's disgust must show all over her face because she adds, "But you don't need to worry about that unless you get knocked up."

"Yeah, no one needs to worry about that happening anytime soon."

"Okay, so no romantic life to speak of. But you're still seeing your friends regularly?"

"Tink and I went to a concert last week. I haven't become a total hermit yet."

"What about that one Swan girl?"

Her face is stony.

"Come on, Regina, it's been months! And to be fair, your place is worse than a college dorm. Don't you think you're taking this too far over an offer to clean up? You're even moodier than when you were right after the accident, which I didn't think was possible. You basically never leave your apartment anymore. You miss her."

"I do not. I have other friends. I don't need her."

Zelena sighs and leans against the back of the couch, biting into an egg roll. "It's not like having more friends is bad for your health."

Regina grunts.

After a couple of weeks though, she does take Zelena's advice to heart. She texts Emma asking to meet at the park tomorrow whenever she gets off work and is relieved that Emma responds affirmatively within minutes. If their positions were switched, she'd definitely wait a few days just to be petty but Emma seems to be above that.

Their spot is Emma's bench where Henry first ate her gyro. It's midwinter now and the snow is no longer pristine and light but hard-packed and muddy. Henry doesn't care though. She tracks him as he romps in the snow like he's a puppy again, pretending not to listen for Emma's footsteps.

It turns out she doesn't have to because Henry spots her first and tackles her, woofing with glee. Emma flops down next to her with a bit of a wheeze. It's not as close as they would've sat before. She's still wary.

"Hey. I'm glad you finally replied. Is everything okay?" It's harder to read her when her phone's talking for her. Even through simple touches, Regina can pick up on whether she's conveying sarcasm or anticipation in the movement of her fingers. She isn't sure if she misses Emma, but she knows she misses that physical closeness that she doesn't quite have with her other friends.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's good. How are you?"

"Keeping busy. Right now I'm designing a parking ramp. It's boring as hell but it doesn't require a lot of brainpower either. What about you? Have you gotten back to your job yet?”

“Yes, actually. It took a lot of swearing and alcohol and brute willpower, but I’ve gotten Braille down well enough that they’ve taken me back.”

“That’s really good news!” The phone’s cheer is forced.

“Yeah.”

There's a bit of an awkward silence.

Regina sighs. "Look, I wanted to apologize for kicking you out and cutting things off so abruptly. It was immature of me and...I'm sorry."

"It's okay." It doesn't sound like it, not when the synthesized voice is so dull. She craves the simplicity of Emma's hands. "It was very rude of me to insult your home when you invited me in. I'm sorry too."

"I'd like to maybe be friends again if that's alright with you? I'm sure Henry would be happy to have you back too."

She starts when Emma's hand slides into hers. [I'd like that.] It's tentative, but it's a start.

This new timid stage in their friendship is jarring, to say the least. They tiptoe around each other, afraid of offending the other in any way.

But they slowly, gradually get to the point where they can talk openly without too much awkwardness. They still eat out occasionally but they spend most of their time together at each other’s apartments now that Regina's gotten her job back. She's tired after work and her lunch break isn't as generous as Emma's.

One night, they're at Regina's and Emma's thumbing through her Braille copy of the first Harry Potter book. When she notices Regina starting to wash the dishes, she squeezes in next to her and begins to rinse them off wordlessly. Regina frowns, but Emma says, [Come on, just this once. Please don't yell at me] before she can utter a sound.

She shakes her head but doesn't forcibly remove her from the kitchen, so Emma takes that as a victory. "So how's the book?"

[I don't know how you got through the whole thing. I've read it myself maybe seventeen times, but I can hardly read an entire page of that monstrosity and I know the basic alphabet.]

"That's because it's a writing system, not a code."

[What's the difference?]

"You're thinking of Braille as a letter-by-letter transcription, which it is if you're referring to grade one. Grade two, though, shortens words down to phonograms and abbreviations. For example, the word “afternoon” is simply a-f-n. So even with the basic alphabet, you're missing contractions and formatting."

Emma twists her mouth. [It's kind of a wonder you got it down at all.]

"Believe me, I'm far from the pace I'd like to be at, but HR has deemed me proficient to continue where I left off."

Emma nudges her with an elbow. [Perfectionist.]

They lapse into a comfortable silence, listening to the jazz warbling from Regina's stereo.

It’s a beautiful clear winter day and they're sitting on the bench in the park enjoying the sun. Regina's throwing a ball for Henry to fetch and Emma's reading a book. Well, trying to anyway. She keeps getting distracted by Regina, the sun on her skin, the line of her jaw, her grin when Henry kisses her.

"Is something wrong?" Regina's gloved hand finds hers.

Emma blinks. [What do you mean?]

"You haven't turned a page in five minutes."

[Oh...it's not a very interesting part.] Her fingers twitch a little, her version of a stutter.

Regina frowns. "Did you say it's not a foggy old?"

Emma repeats herself, taking care not to shake this time. This is fine. She can deal with it. She's just happy to have Regina back in her life again. It's not like she has feelings for her or anything. It's probably just her friends' teasing kicking in. It'll pass in time, right?

It doesn't.

She doesn't know how it's happened, but somehow, her weird staring habit has mutated into full-blown affection. Not that she'll do anything about it. Regina has a lot to adjust to and the last thing she needs is a casual friend to confess to having squishy emotions for her.

They’re having a quiet night in, watching a movie. Regina likes dramas and can follow along well enough even without the annoying audio descriptions as long as there aren't montages.

"Emma?"

She jumps. She didn’t even realize she’d closed her eyes, let alone dozed off.

[Yeah, what is it? Was the movie bad?]

"No, it's fine. I was wondering if..." She huffs. "I was wondering if you might help me clean up a bit, especially since your place is so spotless."

[I think the word you're looking for is bare. I hardly have anything. Makes picking up a lot easier.]

"Regardless, I think Henry and I would both benefit if our home wasn't so cluttered." Her voice is formal and stiff. It's obviously taking her a lot to ask.

Emma smiles, tenderness spreading through her chest. [Yeah, okay.]

It's not hard to see how ordered her life had been before the accident. Regina has bins and drawers for everything. She even has a Braille label maker that Emma understandably kind of goes crazy with. "I don't need my toothbrush labelled, Emma." But it helps with all the identical jars and containers in the cupboard.

Then they tackle her sizable collection of clothes. She doesn't want to deal with anything that can't be machine washed so anything overly delicate or with special instructions gets culled to the donate pile. From there, they cut different notches in the tags so she can tell what color each item is.

[So you've just been throwing blouses and pants together with no idea?]

She shrugs. "I can feel if they're denim or silk but yeah, for the most part."

Emma pouts. [It's unbelievable that you still look so put-together, even when you can't see what you're wearing.]

Aside from some sweeping and scrubbing and a systematic purge of Henry's loose hair, there's not a lot that needs to be done. Emma doesn't understand why she let things pile up for so long if she was clearly capable of taking care of it herself.

"I think it was mostly the depression, at first," Regina says, pausing in her dusting. Henry sneezes. "I wanted to feel sorry for myself, for the things I couldn't do as easily anymore, the things I'd never do again. I would've stayed in bed all day and been happy to waste away, but that wasn't an option with Henry depending on me."

Emma sets the photographs down in their places and moves to the mantle to lift the ornaments there so she can continue dusting. [But you're better?]

"Yes. I was born premature, you know. The doctors didn't know if I'd live for the first few weeks of my life. And I figured that if I beat fate once, there's no reason why I can't do it again. There's still so much I want to do in this lifetime, and one car crash isn't going to stop me. But there are always days when I wake up and think it isn't fair and would do anything to get my eyesight back. What about you?"

[Hmm?]

"You said you've been mute for as long as you can remember. Have you ever thought about getting surgery on your vocal cords?"

[A little, but never very seriously. I've talked to a few people and honestly, it's probably more psychological than anything. But I'm content. I hate talking to strangers and I never get roped into small talk because, hey, they don't understand me. It's great.] Her shoulders shake as she cackles silently.

The spring has been unreasonably chilly, but they go out to the beach on a mild evening. Emma's slightly annoyed. Here she is trying to quash her feelings and a bonfire — not to mention a seaside one — is terribly romantic for a non-date-type sort of outing. She can't be too upset though. Regina's cheery taking in the warm weather, the sea air, and the lovely woody scent of the fire. They huddle together with flasks of hot cocoa, Regina burrowing into her cableknit turtleneck so only her eyes peek out. Emma's chest constricts. This isn't fair. How is she so adorable?

_Keep it cool, Swan. You can do this. You can get through one measly evening without embarrassing yourself._

No she can't.

They talk and cuddle and listen to the ocean ambiance and eventually, Regina nods off tucked against her shoulder. Emma is rigid for a while, trying to exist (eg: breathing, blinking, yawning) without disturbing her. But she realizes that she's actually sound asleep and allows herself to relax as the fire burns down to embers. That's her fatal mistake, letting her guard down, because she feels bold enough to curl her fingers into I love you.

Regina's eyes snap open. Emma's heart leaps into her throat.

"Platonically?" Regina mumbles, still only half-conscious.

She's giving her a way out. She can take it, laugh it off, and everything will go back to the way it was. Except she can't. She's too selfish. With every passing day this tumor of desire grows and grows and if she carves it away now, she doesn't know if what's left of their friendship will be enough to sustain her. So she swallows and says, [Not entirely, no.]

Regina's face is impassive. Emma would scream, if she could. "I see."

There's a pause. Emma can hear her blood roaring in her ears. She wishes that lightning would strike her dead right then and there.

"Come on, the fire's burning down. Let's get back."

The drive back is fraught with tension. Neither of them say anything. But when Emma walks her to her door, she reaches out and touches her inner elbow, her way of saying Regina’s name. She raises her eyebrows in question. [I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to take in. But please, don't shut me out for the next few months again? I can handle anything else, outright rejection too, as long as it's not another drawn-out period of indifference.]

Regina nods. "I can do that."

There's a slight lull.

"Good night, Emma."

[Good night.] Her heart sinks. Their farewell reeks of resolution. Despite her brave words, she thinks ending their friendship would leave her heartbroken for a while.

True to her word, Regina asks to meet up at the park again in a few days. It's been unbearable for Emma; she’s been cleaning like crazy in a vain attempt to keep her mind off Regina. But at least it hasn't been several months' worth of not knowing. Just like last time, Emma sits further away than she normally would. She's debating whether or not to pull her phone out when Regina takes her hand.

"Emma, I've thought about this for the past few days and I..."

Her mouth’s gone sawdust dry.

"I don't know if this is a good idea."

Her fingers spasm, but she manages to say, [If you don't have feelings for me, that's understandable.]

She bites her lip. "See, that's not the problem though."

A small balloon of hope begins to swell in her chest.

"We've been seeing a lot of each other recently and I'm worried that you're my crutch. If you're going to be in a relationship, you should be with someone that has their life together, that isn't struggling. I'll just drag you down. You deserve so much better than me. I'm defective," she adds, so quietly Emma almost can't catch it.

It stuns her. [Do you think I'm defective?]

"No! But that's different. You're accustomed to being this way. You like it. And I'm still having so much trouble getting used to making sure I don't look like a clown when I leave the apartment in the mornings."

[I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit.] That Regina even thinks this way is making her movements jerky with agitation. [Sure, I helped you clean a few things. But living on your own for the most part? Learning Braille and getting your job back? I haven't had anything to do with that. You were doing fine before me, and you'll probably do fine without me in your life. But I'd really rather not do that, if it's all the same to you. Yeah, we hang out a lot but we're not like those weird couples that shut out their friends and family and only see each other. I think we could work out.]

Regina sighs. "I don't know. This whole thing seems very surreal. Why would you have feelings for me?"

[Is it so inconceivable that I would want you?]

She shrugs. "Sometimes. I look at you and I see everything I want to be: independence, diligence, adaptability, self-assuredness. And then there's me."

Emma laughs soundlessly and leans her forehead against Regina's. [I'd really like to kiss you now.]

She frowns. "Why?"

[Because you're an idiot. Everything you mentioned, you have in spades. And I find it really cute.]

She pouts. "Both your first and last statements are false, but I'll allow it."

Their first kiss doesn't really count. Emma's smiling too hard to pucker properly. But they'll have other chances.

Like when they all go to a bar with all their friends to celebrate that they've started dating. Ruby had hinted that it was nice to get out of hers for a change. Immediately after introductions, money starts changing hands.  Ashley snickers as she counts her bills like some kind of drug lord. Regina looks outraged. "All of you were betting on us?"

"You can hardly blame us," Zelena says, sipping her mojito. "You've had us on the edge of our seats for months now."

The rest of the night goes smoothly, if at the expense of Emma and Regina. Emma doesn't mind though, signing sweet nothings into Regina's hand under the table.

"Ugh, look at your face." Ruby mock gags. "You two are so in love it makes me want to vomit from sheer loneliness."

Emma beams and nuzzles Regina's neck, prompting theatrical retching from Ruby.

Around eleven, they all part ways. They’re not in college anymore. They’ve got big kid careers; getting hungover and staying out late nights before work is no longer a good idea. Ashley and Kathryn have found kindred spirits in each other, while Tink is interested in Robin’s start-up. Ruby and Zelena push everyone out the door in an attempt to “get the lovebirds back home”. Henry helps by whining and straining on his leash.

“I think Zelena likes you,” Regina says as they walk hand-in-hand back to Emma’s apartment.

[Does she? She scares the pants off of me.]

"Now there's an image I'd like to explore." Regina's voice has gone all low and throaty and it's making Emma's stomach jump like she's about to go down the first huge drop of a roller coaster.

It takes them forever to get from the apartment complex's entrance to her front door because Regina keeps leaning into her to kiss her neck and Emma’s knees get weak and that's not helping. But somehow they manage to make it to Emma's apartment. She tries to jam the key into the lock with shaking hands as Regina nibbles at her ear. She wants to snap that it'd be easier if Regina would stop distracting her for five seconds, but that would involve turning around and then she'd be backed against her door and they are not doing this in the hallway. Regina chuckles against her skin before she guides her hand to the lock and unlocks it deftly in one smooth movement.

Emma sighs. [Sometimes I can't believe I'm the one who can see.]

"It's quite alright. I know I have a certain _effect_ on you," she purrs. Emma shivers and finds herself pushed against her front door. At least it's this side of it. Regina presses herself flush against her before leaning down to unhook Henry’s leash from his collar. He runs off to his dog bed, scratching at it before he circles several times and plops down, paying them no mind.

[We'll never make it to the bed at this rate.] She hopes she's being coherent. Regina keeps running her hands over places that make Emma jolt.

"All you had to do was ask," she murmurs. Emma opens her eyes, a bit disoriented to find their jackets have been cast aside and she's being led to her own bedroom. They collapse on the bed, Regina giggling and Emma tracing her features with her eyes.

She starts to unbutton her cardigan but Regina stops her. "Let me."

There's something more intimate about having Regina undress her by touch than even kissing her. She takes her time, feeling for each button, each catch, before peeling it away to start on the next. Her fingers hesitate when she reaches bare skin.

They stay like that for a moment, lying side by side, until Emma grazes her inner elbow tentatively. [Regina?]

"I wish I could see you," she whispers.

[So map my body with your fingertips.]

Her fingers start at her cheek, trace her jaw, down her neck, along her shoulder and forearm, and settle at her hip. Goosebumps break out, tracing her path. She seems hesitant again so Emma leans forward and kisses her fervently, her mouth opening under hers and their tongues mingling. Emma presses forward, gasping slightly when Regina's thigh slides between her own. She skims the curve of Regina’s jaw and the tendons of her throat with her lips, taking in the clean scent of her skin and noting which spots along the way make her gasp and sigh for future reference. She takes a moment to prop herself up on one elbow and ask, [Is this okay?]

"Mmm." Regina’s expression is gentle but hints at something hungrier.

Emma doesn't have her patience and makes quick work of her clothes while she continues to meander her way along Regina's body, cataloguing each soft sound she makes. She finds that Regina is particularly sensitive along her upper arm, that she'll squeal if Emma nips anywhere along her sides, and she shudders if Emma even so much as brushes against the base of her spine. Regina keens as she skims her lips along the delicate curve of her stomach, to the hard ridge of her hip, and then down along her thigh, giving her damp curls a wide berth. She kisses the side of a knee and gazes up at her, her chest heaving and her hands clawing at the sheets.

"Emma," she growls. "Don't stop."

She grins, because who is she to deny Regina anything? Her whimper as Emma strokes her folds with her tongue is the most delicious sound she's ever heard. She slides a finger into her, focusing her attentions on the swollen little nub with her lips and tongue until she's worked her into a jerking frenzy. She nibbles, barely a hint of teeth and Regina falls apart with a strangled squeak. Emma quite likes the sound of that too. She riles her up again and again just to hear it until Regina’s sated and her wrist has cramped too much to continue.

Regina flings a forearm over her eyes. "This is the part where I make a pun about how good you are with your tongue despite your speechlessness."

...

It's a picture perfect spring afternoon, bright and sunny, and Emma wants to throw up.

[Regina, I’d really really rather not.]

She frowns. "Would it make you feel better if you rode with me?"

[Only marginally.]

"Come say hi to Rocinante, then. Go on, stroke his nose. He won't bite." Emma trails a trembling finger down the beast's muzzle and then snatches her hand back. Henry sits at the entrance to the stables and barks, eager to set off on their walk.

Regina tugs the helmet snugly over Emma’s head. "Listen Emma, I know you're not a big fan of this, but riding is something I really loved to do and it's something I want to share with you, even if it's just once."

[Fine, okay. Doesn't mean I'm gonna like it.]

"We'll see." Regina mounts, gracefully swinging a leg over the saddle. She helps Emma up, who awkwardly scrambles into somewhat of a sitting position, clutching onto Regina for dear life.

"As romantic as this is, you’ll enjoy yourself more if you're a little more relaxed. Less taxing on the leg muscles too." Emma's hold loosens by a smidgen.

Regina gives the command and Rocinante starts down the trail at a trot, Henry at his side. Emma tries her best not to squeeze her to death. She wants her to have fun, but she also wants to not get thrown off and trampled.

[Didn't you say falling was kind of a big chance?] Regina's only holding onto the reins with one hand, the nerve of her. Of course, without the other hand free, she'd have no idea what Emma was trying to say. Still, they could die!

"Compared to like car crashes and other accidents. We'll be fine. Anyway, you know what they say: when you fall off the horse, get right back on."

[I'm pretty sure that's a metaphor for life and not advice to actually get back on the rampaging horse.]

"I'm sure it's both."

They ride off into the sunset.


End file.
